Tuesday, April 13, 2004


What in the world is wrong with our United Nations General Secretaries? These august men, paragons of virtue and embodiments of the brotherhood of mankind have with their conduct, from the outset given us cause for concern. While certain countries, such as America and Germany deliberately undermined the UN’s predecessor, the League of Nations, (which League boasted remarkable the remarkable diplomatic achievements of the invasion of Czechoslovakia and Abyssinia) thus ensuring its ultimate failure, it appears that certain deep, dark and nefarious plans are being hatched to subvert the respect all citizens of the world have for the United Nations.
We don’t need to look far to see evidence of this. Each General-Secretary’s name since the institution of the United Nations has provided us with subtle hints that should have given the world cause of concern, yet they didn’t. Take Secretary-General Dag Hammarskjold for instance. Is it coincidence that the world appointed a Dag to the Secretariat? How can a Dag inspire respect, let alone solve the world’s problems? The Congolese certainly did not think he could. That is why they arranged to have his plane blown out of the sky over Zambia in 1961. What a Dag.
But what about U Thant? U? you may ask. The jury is out on whether this reclusive Burmese diplomat even actually existed. Kurt Waldheim however, definitely existed. We know this because intrepid Nazi-hunters have dug up photos of this delightful man in Nazi SS uniform, in the backdrop of the brooding Dinaric Alps. This definitely inspires confidence in the UN. The jury is also out on Boutros-Boutros Ghali, my favourite UN secretary. Scion of an old and noble Coptic family, he was the only Secretary-General not to have confidence in the intellectual powers of the rest of the world, so much so that like James Bond, he felt the need to repeat his name twice, in case you weren’t intelligent enough to get it the first time.
The proof is conclusive. Somewhere, some relic of the Cold War is working to undermine the UN by providing us with ridiculous Secretary-Generals. The current Secretary-General seems to fit into the groove more so than any other. For Kofi Annan’s surname is so reminiscent of the Greek verb αυνανίζομαι (I masturbate) that one cannot shake off the suspicion that he is hell bent on proving that the United Nations in its entirety, is a complete wank.
Avnnan’s fourth re-draft of the solution to the Cyprus issue is a case in point. Not only is it ridiculous in its scope but also thoroughly disquieting in the method in which attempts were made to impose it. It is a document that legitimises the Turkish invasion of Cyprus, makes no effort to redress the wrongs of the past and if anything, seeks to strengthen the Turkish position in Cyprus and make Greek Cypriots pay for it as well.
The main articles of the Plan are a farce. Take main article (ii) for instance: “...Resolved that the tragic events of the past shall never be repeated and denouncing forever the threat or use of force or any domination by or of either side…” Yeah right. That is why the Plan does not call for the immediate withdrawal of Turkish troops from Cyprus and perpetuates a situation where Cyprus is not permitted to have its own army. The Plan reads like a punitive settlement agreement between litigants. Cyprus is to pay half the UN’s costs of maintaining a peacekeeping force on the island. There is of course, no question of penalising the invaders. While Article 8 pays lip-service to the demilitarisation of the island, so that there is a gradual reduction of armies “with the objective of total withdrawal…” this remains an objective. No timetable is set for its realisation. As well, Cyprus, who Avnnan would have us believe under his new Plan, would be a sovereign nation on par with all others, is prohibited from buying weapons and consequently, from defending itself from its enemies.
So much for sovereignty of ‘a nation.’ Indeed, the Plan, in Article 1(3) maintains the guarantor power status of the United Kingdom, Greece and Turkey, ensuring that in effect, Cyprus remains nothing more than a colony, a pawn in the diplomatic wrangling of these nations and a victim of their own ends. This is a far cry from the lip service paid to the Cypriot people being masters of their own destiny.
The affectations of brotherhood and reconciliation are also misconceived. Main article (iii) states: …”Acknowledging each other’s distinct identity and integrity and that our relationship is not one of majority and minority but of political equality, where neither side may claim authority and jurisdiction over the other…” How noble and democratic. Democracy, in case one forgets, has to do with acting upon the decision of the majority. Avnnan’s Plan, in recognising two equal sub-states in Cyprus, merely legitimises the illegal, criminal and racist regime in Northern Cyprus, which ethnically cleansed the north of its Greek character and perpetuates the tyranny of its rulers over its hapless people. The Avnnan Plan provides for the two Greek and Turkish sub-states to form a Federation, based on geography? Why is this so? Why must a minority be in a position to deadlock and make government unworkable? Is it so important to artificially enforce skewed and artificially created demographics? One would have thought that the way to reconcile and re-unify Cyprus was to permit the free passage and residence of all Cypriots throughout the island. By keeping them apart, Avnnan and his friends seek to perpetuate the mistrust and hatred created thus far. The Plan is racist in that it attempts to retain a Greek hegemony in the south and a Turkish hegemony in the north. It limits the right of Cypriots to live in their own country. Whatever happened to a Cypriot hegemony? Is it so inconceivable that Turks and Greeks are mature enough to vote for whoever they believe will represent them effectively regardless of race and where they live? This is not a country. It is apartheid enforced by an eminent African diplomat who should be ashamed of himself.
The rules for the self governing constituent racially based states are complicated and amusing. The Plan states that there shall be no hierarchy between constituent state laws and federal laws. Great. So we have a whole bunch of unenforceable laws that can be exploited at will by malevolent politicians. The status of boundaries however, is the height of irony. Certain roads are ‘Greek’ or ‘Turkish.’ If either side wants to use them, they must built overpasses or underpasses and circumvent them. Avnnan really does want us to avoid each other at all costs. Who knows, we might even make friends.
Avnnan also dictates to the Cypriot nation as to its migration policy. Greek Cypriots are not permitted to allow the level of Geek nationals in their constituent state to exceed 5% of the total number of Greeks while the Turks have similar restrictions. No provision is made however for the illegal sojourn of Turkish colonists. Similarly, while he pays lip service to compensation for those who have been dispossessed of their lands, “…compensation to be paid in guaranteed bonds and appreciation certificates.” he does not say who is responsible for payment of compensation. Conceivably it will be the federal government, in which case, Cyprus is paying the costs of the Turkish invasion itself. Oh well done mister S-G.
Avnnan also imposes obligations on the Turkish Cypriot state to respect the rights of the Greeks of Karpassia to education and culture. Yeah right, like they have respected them for the past thirty years. Give us a break.
The only good news is that the Plan imposes upon Cyprus the obligation to support Turkey’s accession to the European Union and some of the article’s operation, such as demilitarisation are actually contingent upon Turkey’s accession.
The Avnnan Plan is thus a threatening finger pointed at the Greek people. It is a United Nations that finally has removed the veil of peace and brotherhood and like its predecessor, has unmasked itself as a tool of foreign interests. This Plan is the Western World’s punishment to the Greek people for having the temerity to suffer so much. NO redress of wrongs is offered. No dignity or a sense of nation is offered. Unlike the fervour to liberate Kuwait and ‘liberate Iraq,’ the United Nations seems it fit to renege on its resolutions condemning the invasion and actually attempt to impose an unjust solution on a long-suffering people, in the interests of.. God knows what. The Cypriot people really do have the icy fingers of the international community at their throats with certain nations threatening sanctions against Cyprus if it does not accept the Plan.What a betrayal by our ‘friends.’ This is the praise we receive for constantly abiding by international law and human decency. Kofi Avnnan has proved once and for all the might equals right and that the poweul protect and reward aggression and injustice. Listen Avnnan mate, stop picking on small peoples and if you think that the peace loving people of Cyprus will accept your ultimatum, take your hand off it mate. Freedom may be a long time coming but it does not make its taste lessen in sweetness. ΖΗΤΩ Η ΕΛΕΥΘΕΡΙΑ ΤΗΣ ΚΥΠΡΟΥ!


first published in NKEE on 13 April 2004